Self-Transformation Is Not Self-Negation — The Practice of Change That Begins with Acceptance

"I want to change" — these few words contain two utterly different voices living together. One is the voice that tries to erase the present self. The other is the voice that tries to grow the present self. The former runs on self-loathing as fuel, so the further one goes, the more one is worn down. The latter runs on curiosity and hope, so the further one goes, the more one becomes rich. At the starting point of this series, let us make plainly clear that "changing" and "blaming oneself" are entirely different things. Rogers, Jung, Adler, the Stoics, Laozi, Wang Yangming, and contemporary self-compassion research — different traditions have pointed to the same single place.

01The Other Voice Lurking Behind "I Want to Change"

Friday night, the plan we were going to begin next week. The moment we steel ourselves with "this time for sure," a faint voice can be heard deep in the heart. "The present self is no good." On the surface of consciousness, words of positive resolution line up. But underneath, another set of words quietly moves. Start running without noticing this dual structure, and change halts midway and frequently the rebound comes.

In the pharmaceutical field, the moment one resolves "I must review more strictly," the self-criticism "have I been too lenient?" lives alongside it. The moment one thinks "I must understand the other's position more," the self-loathing "the present self is cold" lives alongside it. Resolutions for change are frequently built on top of self-negation. Running without seeing this, change exhausts itself midway, and only the blaming voice remains.

02Two "I Want to Change"s — Change from Negation, Change from Acceptance

Motivations for change have two roots. One: "the present self is no good, so I must become someone else" — change from negation. The other: "the present self is not bad; on that base, let me grow this part" — change from acceptance. Looking only at the surface words, the two resemble each other. The difference is the fuel.

The self-transformation this series treats all takes the latter as its premise. Change rises from within acceptance — a strange but repeatedly verified human fact.

03Rogers's "Paradox of Acceptance" — Change Begins When One Accepts

The American clinical psychologist Carl Rogers (1902–1987), in On Becoming a Person (1961), drew from years of clinical experience a paradoxical principle.

"The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change." — Carl R. Rogers, On Becoming a Person (1961)

In the clinical field Rogers saw, those who pushed "change, change" did not change. Conversely, in those who could acknowledge "this is the self I am," without resistance, natural change began. He called this the paradox of acceptance and placed it at the core of his psychotherapy.

This paradox is not only for the psychotherapy scene. In the pharmaceutical field, when one wishes "I want to become a reviewer who understands more deeply," running without accepting the present self's limits does not deepen understanding. From the place where one acknowledges "the present self sees up to here and no further," for the first time the field of view broadens. Acceptance is not the opposite of change but the entry of change.

04Jung's "Individuation" — Not Erasing the Shadow but Welcoming It

The theme Carl Jung (1875–1961) explored over his life was individuation. Over a lifetime the human being integrates the scattered elements within and becomes a more complete self — this is the figure of growth Jung saw. Important is that individuation is not the erasing of the ego (Ich).

Many theories of self-transformation use the metaphor "discard the present ego," "kill the old self." But Jung denied this. The ego is not to be discarded; it is to be relocated within a larger whole. Especially important is the handling of the shadow treated in Vol. 1 (Self-Understanding).

"The human being does not become light by excluding the shadow. Only by bringing the shadow into consciousness does one become light." — gist condensed from arguments akin to C. G. Jung's writings on archetypes

If one who wishes "I want to become a calmer person" tries to repress the emotional part within, it surges out in another form. What Jung shows is another path. Welcome the emotional self as "part of myself." On that base, practise the distance that does not let oneself be swallowed by emotion. This is the mechanism of individuation. Self-transformation is not the work of cutting away part of oneself but the work of taking back on part of oneself.

05Adler's "Compensation for Inferiority" — The Engine of Healthy Change

Alfred Adler (1870–1937) saw the drive of self-transformation within the "feeling of inferiority" (Minderwertigkeitsgefühl). The honest recognition "I cannot yet do this" is the fuel when a human being grows. Adler called this compensation for inferiority.

Important is the distinction from the inferiority complex treated in Vol. 3 (Self-Understanding). Where the feeling of inferiority is "the healthy force that acknowledges the fact of cannot and tries to compensate," the inferiority complex is "the defence mechanism that cannot acknowledge the fact of cannot and constructs an excuse for cannot." The same word "feeling of inferiority" can become both the engine and the brake of change. What makes the difference is whether self-acceptance is in place.

"To be human is to feel that one is inferior. And it is to strive to surpass that feeling." — Alfred Adler, What Life Should Mean to You (1931)

What Adler says is not to erase the feeling of inferiority itself. Rather, the human who feels no inferiority is the more worrying state. Healthy change stands in two stages — while looking the feeling of inferiority straight in the face, turn it into force. Acceptance (facing) and action (compensation) move as both wheels.

06The Stoic "Dichotomy of Control" — The Union of Acceptance and Action

The ancient Roman Stoics had brought the relation of change and acceptance into a strikingly practical tool. The Dichotomy of Control at the opening of Epictetus's (c. 50–135 CE) Enchiridion.

"Of things in the world, some are within our power and others are not. Opinion, impulse, desire, aversion — these are within the range of our power. The body, possessions, reputation, position — these are not within the range of our power." — Epictetus, Enchiridion, Chapter 1

What Epictetus shows is the division of roles between change and acceptance. Accept what is not within power; concentrate on what is within power. One's past, innate qualities, others' evaluations, revisions of regulation — accept these. On the other hand, one's own judgement, attitude, effort, choice here and now — concentrate on these. Not confusing the two was the core of Stoic ethics.

The same applies in the pharmaceutical field. Mistakes already made, the superior's character, industry structure, fluctuations in regulatory interpretation — many are outside the range of one's power. The force to change these exhausts itself. On the other hand, the present quality of review, the choice of words to the other, the handling of one's own emotion — these are within the range of power. Properly distributing acceptance and action is the dynamics of self-transformation.

07Laozi, "Learning Daily Increases, the Way Daily Decreases" — Change That Adds, Change That Subtracts

The Eastern lineage pointed to the same place from another angle. The Tao Te Ching, Chapter 48, of Laozi:

To engage in learning is to add daily. To engage in the Way is to subtract daily. Subtract and subtract again until one arrives at non-doing (wuwei).
— wei xue ri yi, wei dao ri sun. sun zhi you sun, yi zhi yu wuwei

Laozi said that change has two kinds. Adding change (the direction of accumulating learning, skill, knowledge) and subtracting change (the direction of removing extra concepts, attachments, the false ego). Many theories of self-transformation treat only the former. But what Laozi points to is the fact that "to change" is not only to acquire something new. Rather, removing the extras stuck on the present self — excessive defence, unnecessary pretence, fixed ideas — subtracting them, becomes the core of deep change.

In the pharmaceutical field, the change that acquires new knowledge (adding) and the change that lets go of fixed ideas bound by past experience (subtracting) are different things. Unless both move at once, change remains shallow. Only adding change eventually weighs one down. Only subtracting change eventually empties one. Both wheels are required.

08Wang Yangming's "Unity of Knowledge and Action" — Transformation Without Internal War

Among the words left by the Ming Confucian Wang Yangming (1472–1529) is zhi xing he yi (the unity of knowledge and action). Knowing and doing are originally one — this was Wang's central proposition.

Many theories of self-transformation presuppose the split "though I understand in the head, I cannot do." They try to fill that split by fighting. But Wang denied this. When one thinks one has understood in the head, one has not yet truly known. If one truly knows, action arises naturally. If it does not, it is because the "knowing" is still shallow.

Knowledge is the beginning of action; action is the completion of knowledge.
— zhi shi xing zhi shi, xing shi zhi zhi cheng (Wang Yangming, Chuanxi Lu, vol. 1)

The unity of knowledge and action makes self-transformation cease to be drawn as an internal war. The figure of "the self that wants to change" fighting "the self that does not want to change" frequently consumes most of one's energy in civil war. Wang said that the fight itself is a sign that "knowing" is shallow. If one knows deeply, action arises naturally. The destination of self-transformation is to no longer fight inside — this is one answer the Eastern lineage reached.

09Neff's Self-Compassion Research — Why Self-Criticism Is Fuel That Does Not Last

Contemporary psychological research has backed with data the intuition the classics of East and West showed. The American psychologist Kristin Neff systematised, from the 2000s onward, research on self-compassion. What she showed is a simple but powerful fact.

"The common belief that self-criticism is fuel for change runs against the data. Research consistently shows that those who hold self-compassion recover faster, attempt again more often, and grow more in the long term." — gist condensed from Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion (2011)

Neff's model has three elements: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. Toward one's own mistake, address oneself at the same temperature as the words one would offer another (kindness). Know "I am not the only one who cannot" (common humanity). Observe the feeling of failure without being swallowed by it but without disconnecting either (mindfulness). When these three are in place, people can sustain change — this was Neff's finding.

Conversely, the more strongly self-critical, the less change is sustained — this too has been shown repeatedly. The brain enters defence mode and prefers avoidance to challenge. Kindness is not laxness. Kindness is the very driving force of change.

10Daily Practice That Begins with Acceptance — Four Steps

To bring the same place to which the seven traditions pointed down into daily practice, four steps are set here. Long meditation is not required. When noticed, try just one inwardly.

Self-transformation is not self-negation. Rather the opposite. Only after one is free from the gravity of self-negation can one grow oneself. Rogers, Jung, Adler, Epictetus, Laozi, Wang Yangming, Neff — seven traditions pointed, in different words, to the same place. Acceptance and change are not opposing forces but two faces of the same movement.

"The present self is not bad. On that base, here a little" — let us begin the series from this starting point. From the next volume onward, we enter more concrete domains — the meaning of the past, broken relationships, self-acceptance, failure, habit, forgiveness, courage.